I am going to have to get serious. I am going to have to step up.
Brandon doesn't ever play with any toys ever. ever,ever.
Why doesn't he play with the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of toys that he has? Well that would be my fault. He spends all of his time on the computer, or playing video games, or just watching TV.
This are going to have to change around here. The proble will be getting everybody else on board.
I'll have to have a serious talk with Wes about it.

ON another note. I am sick. freaking sick. I don't do well with sick. It makes me freaking angry. I am working hard at getting better by tomorrow.
Dennis is coming to spend time with me tomorrow. .He also has a doctor appt. I can't get him sick. It takes him down for a long time.

Tooth pain.
I woke up during the night with a sharp nerve pain.
I wish I weren't so embarrassed to go to the Dentist. This is crazy, I have such good insurance.
I am disappointed in myself.

Valentines Day.

I just feel sick today. I feel sick phyically, I feel sick emotionally.
Sugar just isn't good for the soul.
Being away from bad food for as long as I have been, I do realize that I am honestly an addict. Its something that I just can't do to myself anymore.
Wes brought me beautiful flowers that I do love, but I don't need to know that he loves me. I dont' want to feel pressured to call his family and tell them all Happy Valentines Day. Why should I have to tell his sister that?She isn't calling me to tell me, and I am sure she doesn't care if I call her to tell her. Its just insane. I am not going to do it, Wes can call his sister and talk to her from work.
ok, I need to get busy working.

GOD

Sometimes, Things pop into my head with such clarity that I think it can only be words straight from God.
Today, the house was filled with people, waking through the livingroom I just thought.
"Your life is a mess because you are a mess on the inside. Fix yourself and everything else will come."
ok, I believe this to be true, but now what? How do I fix me? what do I fix? Where do I begin?
I dunno.

On another note, just when I think everyone is getting better here, Lucas is throwing up again today. I have decided that I am taking him in,in the morning. Even though I know this is the flu because Brandon,Andrew and Crystal also had it, they only threw up for one day. Lucas is getting close to a week now.
I doubt the doctor can do anything for him, but I'll feel better if I can get him checked out.
so on we go with life.

Well here we are another day in the world of pukes.
Brandon became sick last night. I feel so bad for my boys.
They seem to be feeling better. I pray.

I have become a very bad Catholic. I am honestly ashamed of myself and the life that I am living. When I walked away from the Church my entire life fell apart. It has continued to snowball down hill.
Today is the first Friday of Lent.
I feel as though I am a disappointment to everyone.

Today I got to run off with Penny for the day. It was an awesome day. Very relaxing. I spent too much money. but had so much fun.
I wish I knew why I am so impatient and so emotional lately. I almost feel like I am losing my mind.
I am worrying myself sick in worry about Lucas being sick. he has been throwing up since Tuesday and this is now Thursday. Today he started with Diarrea as well. If he isn't better tomorrow I am going to take him in. Just to make sure that it is a virus.

I can't tell you how the last time I had so much fun. I really missed penny.

OK, the health seems to be returning to our home. I hope so, well everything except for my mental health. I lost it a few times today. Being with kids 24/7 is just getting to me.
I am supposed to take off as soon as I wake up tomorrow and stay gone until its time for Wes to go to work. Now they are saying that a huge storm is coming in, ohhh I will be a VERY upset mama if I don't get my break tomorrow.
I wonder if I can get Wes to clean the house while I am gone, hmmm.

Lucas is sick today, I can't even count how many times I have been thrown up on.
Poor little man makes me sad. As sick as he still is, he is starting to feel better.

On the homeschool front, Brandon is doing really well, Today we started working on Japan in our studies of Asia. We just talked about a few things about Japan,Then he colored the Japanese flag.
We did a spelling test, and he read a couple stories , and he played a math game on the computer. oh yeah and while I was cleaning the kitchen and making Breakfast he practiced his penmanship.
We'll take it easy the rest of the day and relax with Lucas.

Superbowl Sunday.

I really enjoy cooking on Superbowl sunday. Wes was a little unhappy because I didn't let him eat unhealthy today. But we managed. I made meatball subs, pizza, 7 layer dip, some cake. and believe it or not. it was all done in a healthy way.
It was kinda a lonely day. Wes watching football all day, the younger boys bored, none of the older kids wanted to come over today. They were all doing their own thing.

I discovered today that Wed. is Ash Wed. What a bad Catholic I am, that I didn't even know it. This is my favorite time of the year. It has so much meaning.
Maybe I can use this time to become close with God again, I am living my life in a way that is making me really unhappy,and am having a hard time changing it.

Brandon is going through this crazy period, I really hope that he isn't getting ADHD, maybe starting Soccer tomorrow will help him with getting some energy out and he won't be so crazy.
Lucas is starting to hit, not for fun or when he is playing, but when he gets angry. Which is when he doesn't get what he wants.

Is there something wrong with me that I look forward to going to bed at night just to escape life?
me thinks there must be.
Tomorrow is a new day, I will try to have some structure.