So many things on my mind, big and small. I hardly know where to begin.
I guess I'll start with the largest.
Several months ago, a man that has been in my life off and on, since I was born. told me that he is my father. I kinda suspected it. In the beginning I was angry, in fact up until tonight I was angry... What did he do for me, my whole life? NOTHING, what did he do to help my mother in raising me when his children go everything NOTHING..... wondering why my mom didn't tell me. Then I realized. My mom was protecting me, and she did the right thing by not telling me. His own children, while they received everything they ever wanted, while I was raised on welfare in the projects, had to deal with him. He was a drunk and basically make their lives a living hell. I didn't have to deal with any of that, and I am glad I didn't.
Jumping ahead a few months... a couple of weeks ago, right before Thanksgiving, he found out that he had terminal cancer. I didn't know how I should feel, I didn't really feel anything other than confusion over the fact that I didn't know how I should feel.
Tonight in going over to his house, I saw a broken down, weak,sad man.He has to suffer not only with cancer, but with knowing and living with all of his wrong doings. I was sad for him.
Not sad for me, but sad for him, his wife and his children. I would like to help him/them in anyway that I can.
Now the dilemma, should I talk to his children and let them know that they are my siblings?

I am feeling so much Stress over Christmas this year, I have planned so much, and am still happy over the things that I am planning.I just get very stressed out, very easily. I have decided that starting tomorrow I will just chill, what happens,happens. Christmas is going to come regardless if I have found time to wash my windows. So, I may as well enjoy it.

I love and adore my husband so much, he has such a calming affect on me, and it so gentle when I am stressing out, or having anxiety.

Update on Shampoo, I LOVE IT>.. I can't tell you enough how much I love it.
It difference in my hair is like night and day.. It isn't limp anymore, Its so soft. and can I tell you, that once it dries you can't smell the vinagar at all.
Success, now what? I guess the only cleansers that I don't make now are body soap, and dish soap. I guess to make my own body soap should be next.

Hmm, having thoughts of going shampoo free.
I have to admit that it kinds scares me. It seems rather gross.
I have been looking around the internet, researching, thinking...thinking...thinking....
Thoughts anyone?
Here is one of the links that I have been looking at.
http://simplemom.net/how-to-clean-your-hair-without-shampoo/

Mega Swagbucks day makes me so excited. My swagbucks are building up so fast. I was hoping that I could earn enough to pay for half our food while in Disneyland, but If I keep earning at this rate I may earn enough to pay for all of our food the entire 2 weeks that we will be there!
If you have ever been interested in signing up here is a link.


http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/vjosaphat

Tater tots,
I love,love,love tater tots, but they are so bad for you. Not to mention so processed. so I decided to make my own. They turned out ok, I mean they were REALLY good, but they were more like mashed potato balls, crunchy on the outside soft in the middle, So my quest continues to make the perfect tater tot.
I forgot to get pictures, I'll do that on my next try.
Tomorrow thinking about making Wheat Thins!

We starting learning about the Choctaw Indians today.
I have to say it is very interesting. Both Brandon and I got caught up in it and lost track of time.
We really take for granted the lives that we live.
In this book I was reading to Brandon it tells a story of slaves and the choctaw Indians. I felt it was very fitting for Brandon because he is both Black and Choctaw.
We are also learning in English and spelling words that sound the same. such as no and know, since and sense.
I dont understand why Brandon doesn't like Math, he is so good at it!
The boys have been saying the Rosary at night now for a little over a month(well we only do 1 decade), its going by pretty fast. I am thinking of adding an act of at night as well.
Looking for Ideas for morning prayer.

On other things, I am trying to figure out how to harvest seeds from my broccoli plants. I don't know exactly what they look like. my tomatos are doing well, and carrots, and peppers.
My spinach is done, my broccoli is done. I am sick to death of lettuce. I have some beans growing really fast that I don't remember what kind they are. I'll try to remember to take a picture of them tomorrow!

Nobody knows

This is hard, not knowing Christs plan. Sometimes I think that even if it were the worst news, it would be better than not knowing at all.
At the same time I have a total terror. my boys, my baby,baby boys. I am so blessed that God saw fit to put them in my life, to trust me to raise them for him. The thought that I might have to leave them to be raised without me, terrifies me.
I have always thought my whole life that I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough for anything good to happen in my life, if something good did happen there was terror that it would be taken away because I didn't deserve it.
I live a blessed life like nobody that I know, and while I do know that I don't deserve these gifts given to me by God, I want to beg God to not hurt them. Just let me stay with them. Please Lord just let me stay with them.
They are just so perfect.

Living life sometimes is hard.. I mean REALLY living life. Not just sitting back allowing it to go on around you.
when you have depression its easy to sit back and hide in the TV, or the Computer.... then you look up and see that life is going on around you, without you.
I love life, what is stopping me from living it?