Well, after being a week late for my period ( I have never ever been late for my period unless I was pregnant). It actually made me feel better. Not knowinbg was hard. Now I know for sure and I can start planning for next month.

A reason that I love being Catholic.. Christmas doesn't end on Christmas day.

Trying to get pregnant is so emotionally draining.
and so disappointing when it doesn't happen. or when it does happen and I miscarry again.
as of now I am 5 days late( I am never late). my breasts are sore, and I am nausous in the morning. Yet testing negative on the pregnancy test. What the heck is going on with me?

Some thoughts for next Christmas.

Its ok if I am a scrouge I normally come around by Christmas day. As a Catholic Christmas starts on Christmas day anyway.

Start early like in Jan. making gifts for people. slowly buy through out the year so I am not so stressed in the month of Dec.

I am going to start having the Holidays at home.
I was very sad this year in that I only saw Crystal for an hour, and not at all on Thanksgiving.
that made me sad.

My new years resolution this year (I know I don't normally do this,or believe in it.)Is to hug all the people that I love more.

Brandon woke up sick today. He wasn't breathing well, a breathing treatment didn't to much infact his breathing got so bad he couldn't talk.I bundled him up and took him to the doctor.
They gave him another breathing treatment there. Prescribed breathing treatments every 2 hours, steroids every 12 hours, and an antibiotic.
I sure miss my happy bouncy boy. Hopefully he will feel better by tomorrow.

We and I are still deciding if we should try for another baby, we have now traded places and he is voting yes and I am going for no. I just hate how poor we are right now. Its hard to support 6 people 5 of which are adults on 1 income.

While I created this blog to talk about my pregnancy,Brandon,knitting...... Just my life in general. I really didn't want it to be a downer for anyone that might read it.
Yet I have been so depressed.
It doesn't give me alot to talk about. I feel so dark and lonely. I am sure that I will be feeling better tomorrow. I missed my meds twice last week. so I am sure that they have had a chance to build back up in me.
Wes has school on Monday and Tuesday nights, right after work. Around Brandons bedtime I really start to need a break, I feel bad because of him going to bed with the love that he normally goes to bed with, I feel like I am rushing him and am impatient.
I really need some alone time...
who is this cutie?

So today we had a family meeting... which really means it was a family bitch out.
Nobody is talking to Wes and I now.
Things will change for a week or so,then it will go back to normal.
Lets see what else. Our house almost caught on fire tonight. now we have a hole in our carpet that is about a foot sqaure all the way through the pad.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

A very good friend shared this with me.
Thank you Amanda

O precious, tiny sweet little one,You will always be to meSo perfect, pure and innocentJust as you were meant to be:We dreamed of you and your lifeAnd all that it would be,We waited and longed for you to comeAnd join our familyWe never had the chance to play,To laugh, to rock, to wiggleWe long to hold you, touch you nowAnd listen to your giggle,I'll always be your Mom,He'll always be your Dad,You will always be our child,The child that we had,But now you're gone...But yet, you're here,We'll sense you everywhere:You are our sorrow and our joyThere's love in every tear.Just know our love goes deep and strong,We'll forget you never.The child we had, but never hadAnd yet will have forever.
Author Unknown

I am just sad.I am so sad. I can't stop crying today.

Today is a very sad day for me, I am in the process of losing our baby... I have had a feeling throughout this pregnancy that this would happen. Waiting for it is hell. I wish it would just happen.
I stayed in bed all day. It didn't make anything stop but it didn't progress either, so I am now up trying to get things moving.
I don't even know if I want to take a chance and try again.

Depression...Lovely thing that I inherited.
For the last 2 days I had been depressed. I realized last night that I missed 2 doses of Zoloft last week. Zoloft takes awhile to enter your system, it also takes awhile to leave.
Today I am back to normal!
Brandon and I cleaned the house together, now we are about to do a little bit of homeschool done.
I am making Wes a wool scarf for Christmas. I bought a wool sweater at the second hand store and unraveled it. here is a picture of it so far. I wish you could see the cables better in the picture.

A couple Disneyland pictures

I haven't been hungry since I got pregnant,it may be a sign that God doesn't want me to gain much weight. Gotta say I agree with him.
I have my first OB appt. on Friday. this all just seems unreal to me, infact we don't even talk about it. I wonder when it will feel real...

I have been thinking about it enough to make a list of things that I'd like to make the baby.
Diaper soakers
I'd like to make a sak for the baby to sleep in, but because it will be a summer baby.. We'll think about that later.
a sweater set