Mental Illness.
I really hate it. I hate that its forever.
I try really hard to not fall into the "why me". I believe that we all have something that we have to deal with. This is mine. I have to take medication for it forever. This is just the way it is.
I haven't been very good about taking my meds this week. I am really feeling the withdrawals.
I feel crazy. I have headaches, dizzy, I feel just fuzzy.
My family deserves so much better than me. I honestly feel so bad that they were stuck with me.
Its not fair to them. I do understand that they were put in my life for a reason, and they were meant to be with me, its just so unfair to them.
wes, I just adore him. I simply adore him. I am not saying that he doesn't do things that drive me crazy, because he really does, and his moodiness is really hard. He doesn't seem very happy. I don't know if not being happy is his personality, or if he is honestly unhappy with me.
I miss his smiles, his laughing. I miss when he would look at me, I could see love for me in his eyes. I miss the fact that he always wanted to talk to me, touch me, look at me. I really miss him. I miss him loving me.
Isn't it strange how you can live in a house full of people, yet feel so totally alone?
I am sad and lonely. My husband is distant, I don't have any friends. My family all moved far away from me.
well I guess all in all, I am just feeling sorry for myself.

Needs

sleep
healthy food

water
exersize
sex
time alone everyday, 1 hour either to leave the house alone for an hour, or to lock myself in the bathroom to take a bath and read.
from what I can see these are things I need to survive. They aren't wants, they are needs.

I hate it when I don't have much time alone.
I am really spoiled in that I normally have a few hours alone each night after the boys are asleep. I am really selfish with that time.

Today on Oprah I found out that I am old.
The Osmonds... what the hell, they all have white hair, I still remember the songs, the dances.
what a dork.

I already have the Christmas spirit.

I would love to have most of my shopping done by the end of this month.

Then I could spend the month of Dec. enjoying Christmas.

Lucas has a bloody rash, its just first rash.He had apple juice and I guess it was too strong for him.

I wonder what it feels like to be someone.
I mean someone important.

Today went pretty Good, depression seems to be gone, Daisy seems just a little bit better tonight. I just realized that she started on these new meds on Monday, she should really be feeling a lot better by now. I have to go shopping in the morning and I really need to take her in.
Amazing how much I love this dog that I have only had for 2 weeks.